As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
-Vitamin C "Graduation (Friends Forever)"
This was the song that my 8th grade class sung on June 15, 2001 when we graduated from elementary school. It was an interesting road for all of us. Many of us had attended school there from Pre-kindergarten. For me, I had moved from Florida and attended school there since 1st grade. On the first day of school when I was introduced to the class as a new student, I recall a brown-haired girl who was nice enough to share he crayons with me. That same brown-haired girl would grow into my best friend as the years progressed.
From that first day of class in 1993, my best friend and I were always together. While there were 2 classes per grade, we always found a way to assure that we would be in the same class. I remember a time in 3rd grade when I was assigned to class 3-1 and she was assigned to class 3-2. She and I cried all summer because we felt that we would never get to see each other. Granted, the total class size for our year was 60 people, but in the mind of a 3rd grader that seemed huge. Thus, after realizing just how important it was for us to be in the same class, our parents made a request to the principal. To our delight, she accepted their request and made sure that each year my best friend and I would be in the same class.
However, on June 15, 2001, graduation day served as the day in which everything changed between my best friend and I. After delivering my valedictorian speech on the podium, the principal approached the microphone to announce where each of us would be attending high school. While there were about 3 parochial schools in the area and 2 "good" public schools, the makeup of the class was primarily confined to those institutions. Then, my name came up. However, instead of naming one of the parochial schools or even one of the public schools, she mentioned a boarding school. Indeed, while all of my friends decided to pursue their high school degrees locally, I made the decision to attend boarding school in Upstate New York. I was lucky enough to be accepted into a scholarship program, which awarded me with a full scholarship to attend the number one high school in the Central New York region. I was excited about the possibilities, but needless to say my best friend thought it was the worst decision ever. This had a lot to do with the fact that no amount of talking to the principal or the program coordinator could change the situation. However, I knew it was something that I needed to do so despite my desire to stay in the area with my friends, I knew I had to put that aside and take a chance.
Over the course of the next 4 years, my relationship with my best friend involved a substantial amount of mediated communication. There was no longer the assurance of seeing each other every day to engage in face to face communication or the ability to run to each other's houses after-school. Our relationship turned into a long-distance one. During the course of the following four years, we spent countless hours trying to maintain our strong bond. We did this through emailing at first during my freshman year and she called me on the phone in the house where I lived. During my sophomore year, my mother bought me a cell phone and her mother did the same. Thus, we abandoned the emailing and communicated strictly through nightly phone calls. At the time, we were not allowed to use video-conferencing nor did we understand how to use it. Thus, we spent time IMing each other on AOL Instant Messenger. During my final years attending the school, we also employed the use of Myspace. Often, we would leave comments for each other or send messages. It was not the ideal situation, but at least we were updated on the events that were occurring in our respective lives.
In reflecting on the long distance relationship that I described, I noticed a degree of overlap with the ideas of "common ground" and "proximity", which Patricia Wallace discusses in her text "The Psychology of the Internet". According to Wallace, "common ground" serves as an attraction factor, which states that individuals who possess mutually shared assumptions, beliefs, and propositions, will hold a stronger bond, or become closer in a sense than individuals who do not share the aforementioned characteristics. Reflecting on my relationship with my best friend, I agree. Since my best friend and I did not really have the same social group anymore, it was pointless to talk about individuals from our respective schools in great deal. Although we did talk about boys we had crushes on (We're girls give us a break), we often spent time talking about individuals we knew from elementary school. For us, our common ground was our past experiences and upbringing. She too, lived in a single parent home. Her mother often worked long hours, similar to my mother, to help provide for the family. In addition, our parents attended the same church so we would have tons of time to hang out during youth group meetings. Through our shared experiences, upbringing, and socialization, we formed similar belief systems, propositions, and assumptions. As a result, we never felt uncomfortable speaking with each other about anything because often times we were in agreement about situations.
Additionally, another theory popped into my mind as I was thinking about my relationship with my best friend; proximity. Proximity is vital in making sure that a relationship is nurtured. In the early stages of our friendship proximity dominated my relationship with my best friend. Like I said before, we were in the same class from 1st grade until 8th grade. She lived a block away from school so often times we walked to her house as I waited for my mother to get off of work to come pick me up. On the weekends, her mother would take us to the mall and we would shop, talk, and or watch a movie. If we were together, one could assure that face to face communication was rampant. However, when I began attending school Upstate that was no longer possible. Thus, a lot of our interaction was confined to the Internet or telephones. Despite the distance we made sure to call each other every night (After 9 p.m. when the minutes were free) to check in with each other about current happenings. Although we hated the fact that we could not hang out like we used to, we made ample use of all of the other mediums we could to stay in touch. With respect to our intersection frequency, I think that it was incredibly high, since we felt very close to each other, and consequently volunteered or disclosed ample amounts of information with each other at the drop of a hat. I say this because if our intersection frequency was lower, we would feel like the other person was a stranger, and as a result would not feel comfortable disclosing a lot of information about our lives. I don't know about you but you don't just spread the word about the boy in your Pre-Calculus class that you would die to speak to. However, with someone that you trust, nothing is secret...well almost nothing.
