5 long distance

A couple years ago I was in a long distance relationship with someone who was a senior in high school when I was a post grad at Loomis Chaffee. It did not last very long, but while it was going on, McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors were definitely involved. I was really busy with soccer and getting used to the new school and meeting lots of people everyday. We would talk on the phone a lot in the beginning, but then it slowly moved to mainly talking through AIM, emails or texts. Going to school, both of us knew that it would be hard to stay together. We were both really busy applying to colleges and thinking about the future. He wanted to go to Lehigh and I was applying early to Cornell. We were clearly going our separate ways, so we tried to make it last as long as possible, but we both knew that it would be tough. McKenna’s identifiably factor had an impact on Glenn and my relationship. This factor talks about either the greater the anonymity or identifiableness, the greater the self disclosure, and therefore the greatest relationship development. Each are referred to as the “stranger on the train” and “stranger in the crowd effect” respectively. Joinson in 2001 also added to this idea by saying that computer mediated communication (CMC) in general has higher levels of self disclosure. This makes total sense because the visual anonymity is what makes people feel more comfortable to self disclose and let someone into their lives without having to worry about the facial expressions or the person’s actual first reaction. When Glenn and I would talk on the phone it would be a rushed conversation because both of us would not want to end with awkward discussions or silences. But when we would talk online, we were able to tell each other how we really felt about things and not worry about awkward silences or other things that being on a phone cause. It was helpful to touch base online because then I would begin to understand where he stood with our relationship and the future etc. Another factor that really hit home with this long distance relationship was McKenna’s idea of connecting to similar others. This part of the theory includes connecting with people across space/time (through internet) and also through social networks. Glenn and I did not form our relationship online, but over time we realized that we connected in similar groups on facebook and had similar interests and a common ground which we stood on. As we moved away from each other (proximity plays a role as well), we began to become interested in other things and exploring parts of our selves that we had never done before. We did not share as much as we once had, and filling him in on all the little daily changes was tiring and frustrating. We fell out of understanding and began forming better relationships with other people, people who were closer to us.