5 - My e-mail relationship

Back when I didn't have schoolwork overpowering my life, I used to frequent a Buffalo Sabres forum. My membership lasted for about two years, and over that time, I formed a group of forum friends--people who seemed to support my posts and whatnot. Every time each member posted, whatever information they chose to reveal about themselves was posted under their names (like age, location, etc.). One such poster caught my attention when I noticed that he was my age, also a Sabres fan, but from Finland. I'd always wondered what caused people from different countries to be fans of particular teams, so I sent him a private message (PM) asking him this question.

He responded, and eventually we exchanged our email addresses. For nearly a year, we sent each other emails almost daily. We talked about everything from our favorite foods to our families and the differences between American and Finnish lifestyles. Fun fact, he also told me recently that two former Cornellians play for his favorite Finnish league team (Charlie Cook is one, I can't remember the other right now). We wrote in English (which was good for me since I don't have any background in Scandinavian languages), and he often told me that it was good practice for him for his English tests. Eventually, we began referring to each other as pen pals, and, later on, friends. Since then, we only email each other about once a month (I suspect both of us moving on from high school has a lot to do with the decrease in email frequency), but we still do try to keep up with each other's lives. He has also sent me postcards from various family vacations.

In regards to how the theories we have learned so far apply to my correspondence, the main point that stuck out to me was Wallace's "common ground" aspect of relationships and attraction. This also works with McKenna's "Connecting to similar others" factor, both of which suggest that we find people we have common interests with more attractive and would more likely seek out a relationship with them because of this. Because I was on a specialized forum where I would meet people who had a big interest in common with me (being a Sabres fan), it comes as no surprise that my pen pal and I often devote at least a paragraph about the team and recent developments each time we email each other. Also, his interest in the Sabres is what led me to initially contact him.

The second of Wallace's factors that apply to my situation is "disinhibition," which states that we disclose more online and we have an increased sense of self disclosure in relational development. As I said, after we got past introductions, my pen pal and I shared a lot about each other. I didn't feel overly cautious about sharing this information, and I don't think he did either (though other theories have shown us that self-disclosure leads to more self-disclosure from the other person, so that may have something to do with that). However, I can't be certain that I wouldn't have disclosed an equal amount if these conversations were taking place in a richer medium.