5 - Unexpected Long-Distance Relationship

Personally, I never thought long-distance relationships could work --- Until I had one forced upon me nine months ago. My best friend of three years, who I have been dating for the past two years, joined the Army last semester. I particularly found Professor Hancock’s lectures interesting last week because it really made me think about my relationship and how it changed once my significant other unexpectedly joined the Army. I am going to discuss the role of Wallace’s attraction factors with respect to my long-distance relationship. Wallace’s four attraction factors include:

(1) Physical attraction – Generally, if you meet someone in person you become attracted to him/her based on looks and then you get to know him/her. If you meet someone through some type of mediated communication you are inclined to get to know someone before developing attraction to him/her.
(2) Proximity – You become attracted to people who are familiar. For example, if you are in constant contact with someone in person, location caters to familiarity. In online spaces, however, intersection frequency defines familiarity. If you see someone on AIM frequently, he/she is familiar and you are more inclined to become attracted to him/her.
(3) Common Ground – You are attracted to people who share your beliefs, interests, etc.
(4) Disinhibition – You tend to self-disclose yourself in a more honest and intentional way when a relationship gains intensity.

Proximity definitely played a huge role in our relationship at first because we lived in the same dorm and had the same circle of friends. I suppose common ground applies to my previous statement because we obviously had a lot in common if we were in the same social circles and we were both freshman engineers taking the same classes. As our relationship started to develop, we began to open up to each other more. Since we began to have greater intentions of maintaining a long-term relationship the disinhibition factor came into play.

Of course, when my significant other joined the Army I was devastated. With limited means of communication, I was forced to sit tight for three months of no communication. Then, when he was done with basic training we had to resort to e-mail and Myspace while he was in Military Intelligence training. While he was all the way in Arizona and I was stuck up here in Ithaca, I couldn’t help but think that our relationship was going to take a detrimental hit. Oddly, I was extremely jealous of every female in training with my significant other because I was afraid that the proximity and common ground factors that helped me in the past would work against me now that we were literally in two completely different worlds.

However, once he was allowed to have a cell phone, it was just like we had started from scratch. To my surprise, we actually still have a lot in common. In this case, absence did make the heart grow fonder and we became closer because with limited opportunity to interact face to face we were forced to actually get to know each other which then led to a stronger attraction on a different level. Because I am still close to his fraternity brothers on campus, I remain familiar to him and I can keep him updated on his house and brothers’ activities. Our high frequency of interaction through e-mail, telephone calls and Myspace messages helps too. Thanks to Wallace’s four factors I am still in a ‘healthy’, functional relationship.

http://comm245blue.blogspot.com/2007/09/assignment-51_25.html

http://comm245blue.blogspot.com/2007/09/so-closeyet-so-far-from-coast-to.html