For the summer
Darling, I promise you this
I'll send you all my love
Everyday in a letter
Sealed with a kiss
-"Sealed With a Kiss", #1 Song on Billboard Hot 100 in 1962
If Brian Hyland, singer of the smash hit "Sealed With a Kiss", were a college student in 2007, not only could he have sent his lover letters, but he could also send her e-mails, texts, and instant messages galore, packed with even more love than he thought possible. And why limit yourself to a kiss when you can use emoticons ranging from :* to 8) to :D ? That would have shown her how he really felt!
Eons ago, I made several close friends my freshman year among the people who lived in my dorm. After second semester had ended, a relationship bloomed between me and Chase*, a nice guy and a good friend I had made in Low-Rise 6*. The relationship took us both by surprise, as we realized how much common ground we really shared in terms of how we thought and saw things, and needless to say we were quite disappointed that the relationship had not started during the school year, when it would have been easier to see each other. Chase was Ithaca-bound and pursuing a job at Student Agencies, while I was eager to get back to NYC for my first long vacation home from Cornell. Because of the distance between us, we relied heavily on little gadgets like AIM, facebook, text messaging, and cell phones to keep in touch as we watched our friendship metamorphose into a relationship.
My and Chase's frequent use of AIM catapulted our friendship to the more-than-friends stage. Just like most college students out there, we constantly had our Buddy Lists open, which we would refer to in search of interesting conversation when our otherwise real lives were getting boring. Wallace's attraction factor of proximity most certainly played a role here as Yeehaw7686 and GreenFlamingo talked daily on AIM. Here, familiarity bred attraction, or in the least, strengthened our friendship by high intersection frequency online. Someone should write a song about Instant Messaging because having the ability to talk to your 'special friend' at anytime, anywhere there's a computer, is a blessing, and surely beats a lousy daily letter that doesn't get to you on time anyway.
In this same venue, AIM also allowed us to discover more of our common grounds. The way in which Chase and I communicated did not evolve from knowing each other's categorical common grounds, and later discovering conversational common grounds. This was simply because Chase and I had not met online i.e. at match.com, but had met FtF at Low Rise 6. AIM is a vast online community that is accessible to literally everyone with a computer, and has no priority for those with special interests like dog shows or The South Beach Diet. In this respect, my online fairy-tale comes into conflict with Wallace's common ground theory. However the "Law of Attraction" still holds salience in that Chase and I got to know each other conversationally first, then became attracted to each other based on common ground. Chase and I were both loquacious, analytical types who made a lot of stupid jokes, thus we got along swimmingly.
Finally, Wallace's factor of disinhibition effects certainly held true for this relationship. Chase sent me a cute text message while we were in the "macking" stage. He was watching "War of the Worlds" in a movie theater at the time and walked out for five minutes to send this:
"Lol…Sorry…I’m seeing war of the world now…So far- it’s not so great :-( (talking to you would be much more fun ;-))"
Increased self-disclosure is much easier at the technology level because saying something flirtatious like this must be much easier to type than to say to a girl's face. Technology also lent itself for us to talk about other subjects. Although he and I were both pretty open and tolerant individuals in person, technology created a smoke screen in which we felt comfortable discussing anything from religion to sexual openness. To spare your virgin ears, I'll leave it at that.Many of Wallace's theories on online attraction factors held true for Chase and me. While nothing beats a FtF relationship, which finally happened for Chase and I after dragged out months of longing and separation over the summer, online communication definitely fosters a long-distance relationship.
*names have been changed
Comment 1: http://comm245blue.blogspot.com/2007/09/a51-oh-father-where-art-thou.html
Comment 2: http://comm245blue.blogspot.com/2007/09/5-im-so-much-cooler-online.html
2 comments:
I found your post because I used to love Grease(R) when I was a kid and I couldn't resist it.
I agree completely with your view of disinhbition factors over texting. Texting is much easier to say things which one would risk sounding odd or out of place in FtF. It eliminates many of the social norms and acceptable rules. The lack of proximity may contribute heavily to this.
I agree about being open in CmC, but I wonder: what aspect of Wallace's theory made you more open, a sense of high private or low public self awareness? A sense of anonymity or identifiablity?
Since this was more of a FtF carried to online, as opposed to an online only reelationship, how did the backwards aspect alter the theories? For example, there was no removal of gating features.
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